and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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