You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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