Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
