I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
