My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
