I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
