omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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