so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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