We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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