Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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