He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
