explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
