Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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