His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
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So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize