Even the bartender felt bad for me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
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She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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