So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
FUCK WHALES
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
