He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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