it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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