A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I lost the right to judge tonight
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
