So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
