Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize