Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
