Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
