i just had sex bonerless
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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