There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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