I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
