how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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