Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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