Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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