I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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