I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
