I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
