It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think my moral compass just broke
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
