Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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