some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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