dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
