My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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