So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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