they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
