Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
No subtext here. People are naked.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
