Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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