omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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