I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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