what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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