dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
