Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
