I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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