If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
