Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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