i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
