he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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