just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
