so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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