So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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