Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
