Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
