Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
