Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
