I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I want her autograph on my taint
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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