Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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