like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
