we're chasing vodka with high fives
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
