Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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