Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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