No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
