Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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