Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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