I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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