You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
