wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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