I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
