Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
